Welcome back, my lovely little magazine-dwelling noses. I
do apologize for the ridiculous delay in getting you the highly anticipated
answers from resident hottie Normal,
Trey Cambell. It seems our Sandblastwriter technician failed to show up for,
oh, weeks.
Anyway, we’re back with Trey. Are you ready?
Trey: Let’s do it.
[Don’t get your hopes up, Clarissa. You’re far too plain]
And I see the technician still hasn’t fixed our Sandblastwriter’s cheeky side. [Clarissa
turns on the fake laugh. Heh, she thinks by giving me the evil eye that I’ll
somehow shut up. I won’t.] Son of a sandbar. Oh, uh, sorry…question time!
Okay, this one comes from Mathilda in downtown Fairla.
You alluded to a happy relationship between a Fairhair and Ravenflame. Did you
mean Katrina and Troy,
once upon a time?
Trey, smirking [he’s not buying Clarissa’s lame attempts to
get the scoop]: Nope, sure didn’t. Really? You’ve had all this time to come up
with a scheme to coax the info out of me and that’s all you came up with? Did you think I wouldn't do a little digging of my own? Mathilda’s
your middle name.
[Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha] SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU PIECE
OF…er, yes, well…ya got me! [Insert fake laughing, which isn't fooling anyone because her seriously reddening cheeks are totally calling her out as a pissed off little reporter. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!] I hate you and fully intend to petition for a removal of all Sandblastwriters. [Yeah, good luck with that]. Trey, will you
at least tell us a little about the couple you speak of?
Trey: They’re in love and happy. What more do you need?
Names.
Trey: Not gonna happen.
Fine. We’ll turn to the mailbag...the legitimate mailbag.
We have a question from Leah in Diagonal North Fairla:
Trey, boxers or briefs? My, my! [Clarissa pretends to be embarrassed. Truth is,
she’s dying to know the answer].
Trey, smiling slyly: Boxers…and, on occasion, commando. I
don’t like to feel restricted.
Well, no, I mean, why would you, right? [Idiotic laughing
from Clarissa] And today you’d be rocking which look?
Trey: Commando.
OH MY POSEIDON! Are you really? Oh…that’s…just…YEAH. [The
drooling is getting worse. She needs a bucket. Oh, dear. Clarissa has officially
zoned out—she’s staring dreamily at Trey, probably daydreaming about his
brief-less self. Brilliant, top-notch journalist, here, folks.]
Trey: Uh, do you have any more questions?
Huh? What? OH! Ahem, yes, of course. Gertie from downtown
Fairla wants to know if you’re afraid of the Ravenflames.
Trey, clenching his jaw: Fear is your ultimate enemy, not
the physical adversary.
But, do you worry about the strength of, say, King and
Queen Zale?
Trey: They’re not the only ones with strength. Might serve
them well to remember that.
Our next question comes from Cordy on the outskirts of
Fairla. Trey, what is your favorite holiday and why?
Trey: Easy. Halloween. I like the hint of fear in the air.
It makes me stronger.
Rumor has it, Christmas is Marina’s
favorite time of year.
Trey: It is. She has a cynical side, but she loves the
jolliest, happiest time of year better than anything else. What does that tell
you? She’s a softy at heart.
Will she be mad at you for calling her a softy?
Trey: She’ll pretend to be. [laughing]
I honestly can’t wait to interview her!
Trey: Little tip…don’t try to outwit her. It won’t work.
Noted! Okay, next question comes from Vin, another
Ravenflame! Oh…this is, uh, more of a statement than a question: Hope you know
you and the Normals are going down. That Savior isn’t worth BLEEP. She couldn’t
hold up to our King and Queen. Soon, all of you will be dying a slow, painful
death. Hope you’re ready. Know I am.
Trey, smirking: Classy, dude.
Do you have a specific reply for Vin?
Trey, shrugging: I’m glad he’s ready. [smiling…wouldn’t want
to test him]
Ooh, good answer. [Sigh] Anyway…next question comes from
Janie. She lives near the Gulf Super Zoomway. Janie asks: Trey, do you like
racing in your world? Do the other Normals like racing and who do they pull
for? Who’s your favorite human driver, and would you ever race a mermobile?
Trey, grinning: Oh, I’m a big NASCAR fan, yeah. Never miss a
race. Marina, Meikle, Polly, and my buddy Earl like racing.
And Earl is one of the Normals that left Saxet
Shores, right?
Trey: So to speak, yeah. As far as who we pull for…Meikle is
a Kasey Kahne fan—she has a crush on him. Earl was a die-hard Tony Stewart fan.
And Polly is in love with Kyle Busch, no joke. If she ever got near the guy…he
better jump in the car and drive faster than he ever has before, I swear.
My favorite driver is Dale
Earnhardt Jr., same as Marina. And,
yeah, I’d kill to race a mermobile, are you kidding?! [laughs]
Do you think you could beat Troy
Tombolo or Kyle Zale? They’re our top drivers.
Trey, laughing: Hell, I don’t know. I’d give it my best.
Shall we move to our last question? [Trey nods. Duh,
Clarissa…just ask the question] Ass.
Trey: Sandblastwriter again?
[Clarissa rolls her eyes and nods] Okay, our last
question comes from—oh—Katrina Zale!
Trey: Oh mother[EXPLETIVE]! Let’s have it.
Katrina asks…would you swim with me? [Clarissa’s wide
eyes alarm me, not gonna lie]
Trey: That’s her question?
That’s it.
Trey, eyebrows raised: I don’t think ‘no’ is a strong enough
word.
Trey, it's been a pleasure.
Next up on our interview list is Ophelia Fountains! Let's hope she doesn't faint during our interview!
